


Conversations 6

by LadyoftheWoods



Series: Sanders Sides [15]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-27
Updated: 2019-09-27
Packaged: 2020-10-29 01:00:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,873
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20787959
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyoftheWoods/pseuds/LadyoftheWoods
Summary: After everything new Thomas has learned about Virgil's past, it's time to talk





	Conversations 6

**Author's Note:**

> So this is the end of another arc of my SS series. I don't know where it'll go from here or if i'll do more stuff with it at all. Thanks for reading it through, if you've gotten this far.

He’d felt the pull all day, but had been ignoring it. He’d hoped that if he just didn’t go, soon Thomas would get tired of trying and just leave him alone. None of the others were being called, he knew that much. He’d been chilling in his room with the door open most of the day, headphones on low enough he could hear if someone knocked to get his attention. Everyone stopped by at one point or another, just to say hello. To babysit him, he knew, make sure that he still fine, that whatever new power he had wasn’t eating away at him. Despite Mi’s assurances, it disquieted all of them, set a new kind of awkward between them. It also didn’t help that they’d all had their own run ins with the Darks, they’d all known of them, at least, but there were very few times they’d ever interacted, rarely for more than a few moments. There seemed to be a new kind of pity in the way they looked at him, now that they understood what living in the Darkside was really like, how easy it was for them to get under your skin.  
“So, are you going to just ignore him forever or hide out in here until he sends one of the others to fetch you?” He jumped, glaring up at Milo, who leaned in the doorway, looking smooth and suave as ever. He caught his breath for a moment, for just a second he felt that old, cold dread, that prickling fear, it was too much like before, but he shoved it away, scowling.  
“I don’t know, ignoring seems to be going pretty well so far.” Virgil replied, absently flipping up his hood. Milo sighed.  
“You know better than anyone that ignoring a problem just makes it bigger. At least see what he wants.”  
“I know what he’ll want. Explanations, answers, he was scared enough of me already with me being what I am, what is he going to think- “He bit his lip hard, cutting himself off, but they both knew what he’d been about to say.  
“What is he going to think when he sees your eyes. Sees that your power has changed. I know, Virg. But hiding things is how you got here in the first place. You have to start over, wipe the slate clean. It’s time you stopped being ashamed of who you were and start being proud of who you are.” Milo said softly, sitting on the bed next to Virgil. “He cares, Virgil. Or you wouldn’t be here. Now go tell him everything and be done with it. Your moping is getting tiresome.” Virgil ducked the playful smack Milo aimed at his head, close to smiling as he got up.  
“Ok, ok, fine. You’re right, I know. But you do appreciate the irony of you telling me to be honest, right?” He grinned, vanishing as a pillow flew through where he’d just been standing.  
His smile faded instantly as he popped into place on the stairs, hood pulled low. It was strange popping up and not hearing Patton’s chatter or Roman’s grandiose prose. He could feel himself tensing, already wishing he could just run away and hide. He didn’t want this.  
“Virgil- “  
“What?” He snapped, cutting off Thomas, refusing to look up at him, focusing on the carpet covering the stairs. He flinched at his own sharpness, Thomas hadn’t even said anything yet, he shouldn’t be this inexplicably furious with him. There was a long silence. Good, maybe he’d see that he was in no mood to talk and let him go back to his room.  
“I just thought we should talk.” Thomas said, sounding a bit hesitant. Virgil let out a dark laugh.  
“I’m sorry, was that rude? Did I hurt your feelings? Because that’s my job. Making you worried, making you hurt. I’m just the same as the rest of them, you know that now. Why so surprised?” Virgil looked up at Thomas, his face in shadow, his mismatched eyes gleaming.  
He expected fear, he expected rejection, he expected to be cast out and thrown aside like always. He looked away, hands stuffed deep in his pockets. “I’m just a problem, after all. An explosive, dangerous, unstable problem. The question is, what are you going to do about it?” Virgil asked, head cocked, twisted smile on his lips. Dark power flared in his hands, gold flickering at its core, ready to strike out and show him just what he was.  
“It’s ok, bud. I know you’re scared, but we’re ok. I promise. It is Ok.” Virgil froze as Thomas stepped close, wrapping him in a tight embrace. For a moment Virgil stood unmoving with disbelief, before his power flickered and went out. He let out a choked sob, burying his head against Thomas’s shoulder, the fight fading out of him. he pulled away, sliding down against the stairs railing. Thomas dropped down next to him, looking worriedly at the curled up form of Virgil. He placed a hand on his shoulder, feeling him shake.  
“Why do you even care? Why… you could have got rid of me. It would have been so much easier for you if you just-just didn’t!” Virgil exclaimed, looking down at the floor, anywhere but Thomas.  
“Because you’re my friend, Virg. I know how much you do for me, how hard you try. Sure, sometimes you aren’t the easiest to deal with, but neither is Princey, or Logan or even Patton.” Virgil had his arms crossed tight, almost like he was hugging himself, trying to remember his breathing.  
“Everything always goes so wrong. And it’s always my fault. The first time was cause I ran off like a stupid child, this time because I let my guard down for one minute. The one time I stop to let myself breathe.”  
“I know- “  
“YOU DON’T!” Virgil shouted, jumping to his feet and pacing. “That’s the problem, is you don’t. You’ve never… I haven’t….” He flipped his hood back up, his only armor against what would come next.  
“I’m not what you think I am. I’ve never been what you think I am. I’ve been lying to you this whole time, and it’s my own stupid fault. I was supposed to be their spy, for the “darks”, or whatever. They would have been fine in the shadows, but then Roman and Patton and Logan showed up, and if the good guys got to have a voice, why shouldn’t we? But the others were too obviously…. let’s say aggressive… to come off as purely good or innocent. So, they decided on me, because I could pretend easily enough to be something else, something you already felt, something you didn’t want to think on so you wouldn’t look too close. Me.  
I wasn’t supposed to care, I was never supposed to start to-to like you, or them or anybody. I was supposed to sniff out their weaknesses and report back and then we’d all take over and run the place. But how could I not… how could I not care? Not after living with them for so long, the only one who ever protected me was Mi, and as soon as he turned his back the others would delight in tormenting me. That’s part of why he sent me, because he knew I had it the worst.  
He never expected I wouldn’t come back. I think they thought I didn’t have enough of a spine to tell them no to anything, and they were right, until I realized that you cared about me. That’s why I left, when you guys came and found me in my room when I ducked out, I’d decided I was done, that you were better off without me, that the others could go to Hell and I was done playing sides. But you… wanted me. All of you, even Roman, wanted me.  
So I told them I was done. I was done trying to tear you down, I was done being their little spy, I was done doing what they told me to do. And they did not take that well. My room’s always been connected to the darkside, they’ve always been able to get in if they really want, and they took advantage of that. But eventually Mi realized I wasn’t backing down this time.  
We fought and everything went wrong and I was too afraid to tell any of you the truth because if I did I knew you’d all hate me, or at least be afraid of me, more than you already were and I was just starting to fit in, anyway, and I couldn’t go back, I couldn’t bear going back. I’m not Anxiety, Thomas. I’m- “  
“Paranoia.” Thomas finished softly, turning Virgil to look at him. Virgil flinched at the name, flinched back at the memories that came with it.  
“I told you, Virg. I know.” Thomas replied, not letting Virgil pull away, knowing if he did, he’d vanish. “Milo told me everything.”  
“… what?” Virgil asked, stunned, not sure he’d heard right.  
“We… talked. He told me why you were scared, why you wouldn’t pop in even though I’d been calling for you. He explained pretty much everything that’s been happening.  
“Why would he… you… know?” He swayed on his feet unsteadily, feeling his world tilt out of orbit.  
“He didn’t want me to look at you any differently because of what you started off as. He wanted to be sure I wouldn’t push you away. He’s worried about you, Virg.” At that Virgil let out a soft laugh.  
“When is he not?”  
“Hey, look at me. This doesn’t change anything. It doesn’t change who you are, it doesn’t change what you are to me, it doesn’t change my trust in you. I… get it. We weren’t exactly welcoming to start with, I probably would have done the same if I were you. Looking back… I wish I’d been nicer, at the start.” Thomas said, half smile on his face. Virgil stared at him in disbelief, utterly unconvinced.  
“You don’t get it- “  
“you’re right. I don’t, not entirely. But I know it was brave, to stand up for yourself to them. And I know it was hard. But you did it anyway, and you’ve always been looking out for me, and for them. And titles… are just titles. They’re not who you are, not really. You’re not just one thing, Virgil. And what you are changes as we grow together. That’s what you’re missing in all this. That we all change and grow, and you have, so much, and I would never discount all you do for me just because of your name.” Virgil looked away, but nodded ever so slightly, swallowing hard.  
“So… so we’re cool?” He asked, softly. Thomas smiled gently.  
“We were always cool, Virg.” Virgil looked up at him from under his dark lashes, that stricken “I just learned or realized something” look on his face and Thomas knew he’d gotten through to him.  
“Cool. Then I’m gonna go be cool somewhere else.” He gave a small salute, vanishing. Things weren’t perfect, but they were getting better. That’s all any of them could ask for.


End file.
